I didn't bear my testimony in church on the day Kayla was blessed. It was just too soon after her birth for me to gather my thoughts. I am still forming my thoughts but I want to write down what I have been thinking about lately.
We watched the movie August Rush a few nights ago. It was really emotional for me to watch because it illustrated so well how strong energy can be. I mean the kind of energy where you just feel drawn to someone or something and you can't really explain it. Or when you can feel someone's presence near even when you can't see them. Or the energy field that surrounds each of us and flows through our body. As a member of the LDS church, we know that some of that is the Holy Ghost. Some of it is something else though. I also believe they are somehow intertwined. I have had some experience lately with energy.
I felt a very strong energy pull with each of my children. With Megan I felt very strongly about nine months before she was born that she would be born soon. We had one adoption after another not go through and I just felt the energy toward my unborn child stronger and stronger. I knew she was out there and I just had to find her. I would have been found her if it wasn't for this pull because I found the agency we used on the internet after another adoption fell through. I just happened to email the agency right when they were looking for a family. It turns out the first adoption we tried to do with them failed but the second one was Megan. Megan was meant to be in our family. I know this because I know everything wouldn't have worked out the way it did if it wasn't supposed to.
With Tyler I really knew I was going to have the second child soon. In fact, the day we first heard about Tyler Norm was home off work on a Monday and got the call. He was home because we were starting to do tests and go to appointments for fertility to try to get pregnant. It was really soon after Megan was born but I just knew it was going to happen soon but didn't know exactly how so I wanted to explore all the options.
With Kayla I knew for a long time that our third child would be our biological child but a certain part of me just couldn't believe that. Especially right after Tyler was born, our health was worse than ever and it just seemed impossible. I just felt such an energy pull
19 October 2008
13 January 2008
My testimony
I gave a talk in sacrament meeting on testimony today and at the end bore my testimony. I typed it all out since it was a talk and that's how I still give talks. But the advantage I have of that is that there's somewhat a record of what I said. I want to put the end of my talk on here, which is my testimony because I know not all of you were there. This is how I wrote it ahead of time and not exactly how I gave it but pretty close.
I'm going to bear testimony about two gospel truths I have been focused on lately. They are trust and eternal perspective. As many of you know, we didn't get Megan until we had been married for over eight years. That took some trust in the Lord. To know that we can't put timetables on the Lord and that whatever the Lord thinks is best is what I really wanted, even if it didn't fit in with my plans. I had to constantly remind myself to keep the eternal perspective in mind. That life isn't a big race to see who can have the most grandchildren. That eternally things will work out. A lot of people aren't given the opportunity to have children, get married, or they died at a young age, or are divorced, etc. It makes it a lot easier to accept these things if we don't expect our lives to go a certain way. If we just trust that whatever the Lord wants is the best thing for us.
Well, this has been driven home lately. I had a few premonitions about Megan and Tyler. Like before we got Megan I had this reoccurring thought, and it may have first been a dream, that in the future I would have a conversation with a person and they would ask me which one of the ways we got our children was the best. I say something like, well, my first child was really great because we waited for so long and she was so sweet and it was so new. My second child was great because it happened so fast. Then the third child was great because I got to experience childbirth, which is very different from adoption. And then after that, the rest is history. Well, I've had this run through my mind hundreds of times. It made me prepared when Tyler was born because even though it was so soon, I kind of knew it would be.
Well, then after Tyler I had no desire whatsoever to think about adoption anymore. I had a mental block whenever I would think about it. I just had the reoccurring thought that I needed to just wait and that I wouldn't have to worry about how the next child would come. It was actually very relieving to not worry about things. Well, then my health got really bad and I had a lot of little problems after the stress on my body from taking care of two little babies. It seemed impossible that I would ever be able to have a child. My infertility problems were worse than ever.
Well, to make a long story short, about a year ago I prayed a lot about what I could do to prepare myself to get pregnant. I knew it wasn't just going to happen over night. I had a feeling I was going to really have to work at it. Well, it turned out that I slowly received inspiration about what I could do to change my health. I would say I ended up have 20 or more inspirations of things to do that, in the long run, have really added up to something big.
I am not the same person I was a year ago. My body has permanently changed for the better. I hope to never go back to my old self. I'm not there yet. I still have some things I am trying to clear up and they may take years, but I am on the way and feel like I am a partner with the Lord in healing my body. I have noticed many positive signs that my body is working better inside. But the best one of all is that I am now pregnant. I am due on August 6.
I can't believe how guided I have felt in this whole process. Like someone has been taking my hand and showing me exactly what to do. I've had so many prayers where I asked the Lord for me to get pregnant, but then I would think, what's the point of asking? I know he will do whatever is best for me. I KNOW that. Well, he says it is still nice to ask. So my main prayers would focus on what I could do to get pregnant. I continue to put all my trust in the Lord in this pregnancy.
It's a scary thing after such a long time, but I know that whatever is supposed to happen will. I can't put any expectations on the Lord. I know that what is supposed to happen will. I am grateful that the Lord answered my prayers and that this new blessing has happened in our lives and I pray that you will be able to put all your trust in the Lord too. It's a great feeling to really do it not just hope that you can or wish that you could. I would now like to bear testimony that:
Testify God is our Father and Jesus is the Christ.
The plan of salvation is centered on the Savior’s Atonement.
Joseph Smith restored the fullness of the everlasting gospel of Jesus Christ.
The Book of Mormon is evidence that our testimony is true.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
I'm going to bear testimony about two gospel truths I have been focused on lately. They are trust and eternal perspective. As many of you know, we didn't get Megan until we had been married for over eight years. That took some trust in the Lord. To know that we can't put timetables on the Lord and that whatever the Lord thinks is best is what I really wanted, even if it didn't fit in with my plans. I had to constantly remind myself to keep the eternal perspective in mind. That life isn't a big race to see who can have the most grandchildren. That eternally things will work out. A lot of people aren't given the opportunity to have children, get married, or they died at a young age, or are divorced, etc. It makes it a lot easier to accept these things if we don't expect our lives to go a certain way. If we just trust that whatever the Lord wants is the best thing for us.
Well, this has been driven home lately. I had a few premonitions about Megan and Tyler. Like before we got Megan I had this reoccurring thought, and it may have first been a dream, that in the future I would have a conversation with a person and they would ask me which one of the ways we got our children was the best. I say something like, well, my first child was really great because we waited for so long and she was so sweet and it was so new. My second child was great because it happened so fast. Then the third child was great because I got to experience childbirth, which is very different from adoption. And then after that, the rest is history. Well, I've had this run through my mind hundreds of times. It made me prepared when Tyler was born because even though it was so soon, I kind of knew it would be.
Well, then after Tyler I had no desire whatsoever to think about adoption anymore. I had a mental block whenever I would think about it. I just had the reoccurring thought that I needed to just wait and that I wouldn't have to worry about how the next child would come. It was actually very relieving to not worry about things. Well, then my health got really bad and I had a lot of little problems after the stress on my body from taking care of two little babies. It seemed impossible that I would ever be able to have a child. My infertility problems were worse than ever.
Well, to make a long story short, about a year ago I prayed a lot about what I could do to prepare myself to get pregnant. I knew it wasn't just going to happen over night. I had a feeling I was going to really have to work at it. Well, it turned out that I slowly received inspiration about what I could do to change my health. I would say I ended up have 20 or more inspirations of things to do that, in the long run, have really added up to something big.
I am not the same person I was a year ago. My body has permanently changed for the better. I hope to never go back to my old self. I'm not there yet. I still have some things I am trying to clear up and they may take years, but I am on the way and feel like I am a partner with the Lord in healing my body. I have noticed many positive signs that my body is working better inside. But the best one of all is that I am now pregnant. I am due on August 6.
I can't believe how guided I have felt in this whole process. Like someone has been taking my hand and showing me exactly what to do. I've had so many prayers where I asked the Lord for me to get pregnant, but then I would think, what's the point of asking? I know he will do whatever is best for me. I KNOW that. Well, he says it is still nice to ask. So my main prayers would focus on what I could do to get pregnant. I continue to put all my trust in the Lord in this pregnancy.
It's a scary thing after such a long time, but I know that whatever is supposed to happen will. I can't put any expectations on the Lord. I know that what is supposed to happen will. I am grateful that the Lord answered my prayers and that this new blessing has happened in our lives and I pray that you will be able to put all your trust in the Lord too. It's a great feeling to really do it not just hope that you can or wish that you could. I would now like to bear testimony that:
Testify God is our Father and Jesus is the Christ.
The plan of salvation is centered on the Savior’s Atonement.
Joseph Smith restored the fullness of the everlasting gospel of Jesus Christ.
The Book of Mormon is evidence that our testimony is true.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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