19 October 2008

My testimony

I didn't bear my testimony in church on the day Kayla was blessed. It was just too soon after her birth for me to gather my thoughts. I am still forming my thoughts but I want to write down what I have been thinking about lately.

We watched the movie August Rush a few nights ago. It was really emotional for me to watch because it illustrated so well how strong energy can be. I mean the kind of energy where you just feel drawn to someone or something and you can't really explain it. Or when you can feel someone's presence near even when you can't see them. Or the energy field that surrounds each of us and flows through our body. As a member of the LDS church, we know that some of that is the Holy Ghost. Some of it is something else though. I also believe they are somehow intertwined. I have had some experience lately with energy.

I felt a very strong energy pull with each of my children. With Megan I felt very strongly about nine months before she was born that she would be born soon. We had one adoption after another not go through and I just felt the energy toward my unborn child stronger and stronger. I knew she was out there and I just had to find her. I would have been found her if it wasn't for this pull because I found the agency we used on the internet after another adoption fell through. I just happened to email the agency right when they were looking for a family. It turns out the first adoption we tried to do with them failed but the second one was Megan. Megan was meant to be in our family. I know this because I know everything wouldn't have worked out the way it did if it wasn't supposed to.

With Tyler I really knew I was going to have the second child soon. In fact, the day we first heard about Tyler Norm was home off work on a Monday and got the call. He was home because we were starting to do tests and go to appointments for fertility to try to get pregnant. It was really soon after Megan was born but I just knew it was going to happen soon but didn't know exactly how so I wanted to explore all the options.

With Kayla I knew for a long time that our third child would be our biological child but a certain part of me just couldn't believe that. Especially right after Tyler was born, our health was worse than ever and it just seemed impossible. I just felt such an energy pull

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